This blog is where I escape from reality & is the result of the listening part of me. Oh btw, I dont talk much in real life.

History

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Monday, 18 September 2017

I guess in a lot of ways the past year had been a break for me. I mean, I've been working my ass off for as long as I can remember and there has never been a time in my life where I have zero responsibilities to take care of. It's always waking up every morning with a shit ton of things to do and always wishing that I could wake up with all of my work for the day completed already.

Ever since PMR (lol) I have been channelling all my energy towards a certain goal and not that I'm complaining but I really wished I had a period of time for me to completely not put in any effort for anything. What more during SPM. Then after SPM I thought I was finally getting the time to chill but nope dear me had to go for A Levels not even a month after SPM ended. I think I died 1000 times just while doing A Levels and miraculously I came back to life every time, stronger than I ever did before.

But then in doing all of those, my mental health started to deteriorate. I didn't realise at first, and I only started caring about my mental state when it got out of hand and when things were getting messy. It got super worse throughout my A Levels studies. After A Levels, I promised myself that I was going to focus on what matters; me.

Unfortunately enough during the longest break I've ever gotten, I got busy preparing to fly off. Honestly prepping for overseas studies took a lot more effort than I expected. Hence, I didn't get to take the time to sit back and enjoy time passing by without anything to worry.

Then I promised myself that in my first year of degree studies, I'm taking a break. I will put the bare minimum effort that I need to in order to focus on getting my shit together. I'm not saying that I didn't put in *any* effort, though. It's just that I didn't care enough to participate in excessive activities that would stress me out even more than I already was and what I did was I selectively invest my time and effort in things that I *really* needed to. I had a lot of time to myself within the past year and that somehow helped me figure some stuff out and made me realise a lot of things about myself that I never did before. I only put in effort in things that do bring me joy and if they don't or if I haven't had any prior experience doing something like it I would just give it a hard pass. Simple, but powerful.

So I guess going into second year of degree, I'm ready to challenge myself and get into the things that I passed on. I'm ready to be more proactive instead of just sitting around doing menial things. I'm ready to accomplish so much more now that I've finally got the break I deserved and now that I'm in a better mental state. I guess it's also important for me to have that mindset - that I want to do something more - for me to actually do something more.

I don't know. I guess we'll see. Wish me luck!

Tuesday, 12 September 2017

My best friend is leaving for the UK in a few hours and I'm the one in a mess. I just can't bear the thought of being apart from him when I've been seeing him at least once a week throughout these past few months. This would be the longest I'll go without being able to see or annoy him and that shit's devastating me.

Around this time, last year at the airport when I was the one flying off, we didn't get to properly say goodbye. I saw him for like 5 minutes after I've checked in my luggage and then I had to run around, my head was all over the place and I was rushing here and there that the moment I got down to the escalator, only then I realised I didn't bid farewell to him. He was nowhere to be seen as he was also sending off his friends and that made me cry a lot harder. How could I forget to say goodbye to my best friend?! I hated myself for that and this time around, I really hope we would get to properly bid farewell or else I wouldn't be able to forgive myself for letting it happen again.

I've had a really good summer break and a large part of it was because of how much time I spent with him. To be honest I think this was how my break went; 1/3 of me time, 1/3 of Husni time, 1/3 of other non-Husni time. Haha. But honestly I would choose going over to his place at 12am and spending our time on the bed catching up with Suits or Buzzfeed's Worth It series with some Ramly burgers over doing literally anything else. I've been over at his place a lot lately and I bet his mom is now already accustomed (more like annoyed) with my presence. Also his niece loves me more than she loves him and that's another reason I go over there very often. He's probably also very annoyed at how clingy I am to him and not that he never complained about it but then he's also the one whining about how he doesn't like it when I'm not around because he couldn't make plans to go out. So who's the clingy one here? Hehe.

I'm honestly so lucky to have met someone like him in my life. We're both very different individuals with different sets of friends and interests. If I were to enrol into KYUEM like I was supposed to, I don't think we would end up being friends. That's because he's such a cool guy and he hangs around with his cool clique and then he would see how lame I am at college. I doubt neither of us would ever approach each other. Funny how life works out sometimes, eh?

The next 3 weeks of my life would be so dull without him around. I guess I could bear with just weekly Skype sessions like how it was last year. Whatever it is, I'm never not happy with him around. I would do an appreciation post for him, but I'm not in the right headspace to do so right now so probably some time soon.

Ugh I will miss him so much until the next time we see each other again (which is in 3 weeks lol).
Black Moustache