This blog is where I escape from reality & is the result of the listening part of me. Oh btw, I dont talk much in real life.

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Saturday, 9 February 2013

They burn slowly into ashes

I wonder who will actually cry and visit me when I'm dead

Hello! In college, I've been writing on what I'm gonna post in my blog in my notepad on this iPod and these are what I've wanted to post. I hope you guys would enjoy this. Oh I forgot another thing. I lost one of the posts because I wrote that post on a piece of paper and the paper is lost lol

Tuesday, 15 January 2013

I'd never would forget how we moved

Idk why but I feel like writing tonight. My birthday's 2 days away and I'm overwhelmed. I feel excited and anxious and stoked and nervous for the day to come. But hell no I'm not ready to be sixteen and grow older by a year just yet. Gosh time is really flying too fast these days. But the problem is I feel empty. I myself don't have any idea why am I feeling so sad and miserable especially when I'm alone like right now. I guess I have a low self esteem and I'm constantly feeling left out and alone and sad and bland and miserable. Wtf Idk what's wrong with me. I have some amazing friends and I'm glad I have them but every time I'm alone I'll feel sad. What a sad life I live. Now that I'm conscious about myself and my body and the society that craves for perfection, I'm starting to feel like I'm a potato surrounded by other potatoes that are better than me lol Idk why I used a potato as an analogy rofl haha. Okay so done with all that. I miss home so much. I miss Twitter and Be Jealous the most. I just can't live without them omg I just realised that. And oh, oh I miss sending good night wishes to Aida Hanani okay that was random. And of course I miss Wawa and Amir and Aisyah. Can't wait for Chinese New Year's holidays and meet them for the first time yay! School is so boring at this point wheb we only go to surau and "learn" some "good" and "beneficial" stuffs. Pfft this is boring. I think that is all for now and I'd better stop because I'm too tired. Oh yeah must I mention that I'm sunburned? Omg Baling is so hot -.-' Okay so until we meet again, goodbye xx

Saturday, 19 January 2013

It's been 2 days since my birthday passed and I have mixed emotions about it. I don't feel excited at all for having to grow older by a year but at the same time I hear my own voice telling me that I can do nothing about it. I mean I can't stop time so I have to grow up tho I hate it. Anyway I had an awesome "sweet" sixteen. At first my day didn't start off as I expected. I thought my friends would do any surprises or anything but it turned out they didn't do anything that night. Too bad. Maybe because Hasnol Hadi aka my Justin Bieber was having a bad fever at that time. Last year he made me a surprise and I seriously loved it and I appreciated his effort and that's why I love him so much. So that night at 12, Idk whether I was asleep or I was not aware of my surroundings or what but the moment I was about to glide into my dream I heard "Happy Birthday Qad" like so many times and I woke up to find Nabil Faza shouting at me lol. But my first wisher was Iman Nabil tho he "cheated" haha. And Aida Hanani came in second and so on. I thought I wanna rank all of my wishers according to their time they wished me but I'm just too lazy lol. So as the day goes on the number of wishers increased and I was happy that day. And and I played touch rugby on my birthday yay and rugby turned out to be not so rough and I enjoyed playing it. And I got a birthday present from Hanafi and it was so sweet and I love it. He gave me a keychain from USS and there was a star on it and he said to me "Good friends are like stars" and I continued "they're not always by our side but we know they're always there" and I almost broke down into tears and I hugged him. I really love him. And I also wasted a packet of Instax on my birthday to take some random pictures of my amazing friends. I really love my batch in Baling and I will never ever forget them. I really wish we can stay forever as a batch or at least take SPM together as a batch but we can only plan but Allah's plans are better, remember that. And I called Amir and Wawa that day. I really miss them so much. I miss home and Twitter and Be Jealous the most. Omg I just realised that I can't live without them. And my friends did make a surprise for me tho it didn't turn out as they planned because I already figured it out teeheee. And I appreciate it so much. Even though we're not that close anymore like we were in form one but their effort proved to me that I do have friends who care about me since the very beginning. And on that day I talked to Miss Syafa after so long I didn't have the chance to talk some random stuffs with her. And I figured out why I'm constantly feeling alone. I'm too dependent on my friends and I can't stand on my own feet. I talked to my dad about this and he said being a lone ranger is better because we'll survive wherever we are and we can easily adapt to new situations and new friends and new surroundings. Miss Syafa said that I have to learn to be comfortable by myself and I tried. But I just can't. Well maybe I'll get used to it as time passed by. The reason I did this is because I miss my blog so so soooooooooo much! I miss writing. I can't write peacefully in college, too bad. I can't get the peace of mind that I needed whenever I'm writing in college. So I went to Mr Syawal's and Mrs Rohaida's (wow I need to address her as Mrs now) wedding just now in Cheras. And we went to Times Square and The Curve and Ikea lol I also have no idea why we went to those places. I spent my day with friends and I get to meet my family just now. I miss them so much. And mum brought this iPod so that I can overcome my boredom in college tho I don't know college's wifi's password lol. That's all right I can ask anyone who knows (oops). So I guess that is all for now because I'm getting sleepy. Goodbye everyone!

p/s: I'm in the bus otw back to college and I miss KL already :(

Sunday, 20 January 2013

If I were given a wish right now I'll wish to be happy for the rest of my life.

What would happen if you go out right now and do something that you've never thought of doing it ever throughout your life? The answer is whether you'll learn a lesson which is you know you can never ever do it again ever in your life or you'd be amazed of what you are really capable of but you didn't know because you're too damn scared to try and do something new. I did it just now. I played touch rugby, which is a game that is, on the last thought in my mind that I'll ever play it. And guess what I love playing it. Idk why but I think a part of my "capability" of playing rugby comes from my dad who was a rugby player in his dog days. But seriously I enjoyed grabbing the ball and passing it and tapping people and running around on the field and shouting and so on. I feel blessed for given the chance to ever play rugby because I know if this KIKS program is never done, I'll never get this chance to play and get into the finals and probably if I never play this I'd still be not so tan like I am right now lol that was random. My dad would be so proud of me if he knows this. He was an athlete back then and Idk why that trait was not passed on to me and I feel bad about it because I know that somehow my dad's a bit disappointed in me because probably I didn't turn out to be the perfect son he ever dreamt of 😔 I'm sorry dad for that but I'll try to make you proud as long as I can. That's a promise. I don't wanna let him down, ever. So here I am urging you guys to go out and do something that you never knew that you'd be doing and trust me, you'll be amazed by you. Guess that's all for now and goodbye xx

Saturday, 26 January 2013

[This post was written when I was going back to college from the short holidays I spent with friends in Jitra]

You wonder if you'll make it out of your misery alive

I'm in the bus otw back to college and Idk why I'm not enjoying the ride. Probably because I know that the short holidays are now over and I have to accept that painful fact or maybe it's just me and my "sudden" depression lol I forgot the term for the suddenly feeling sad for no reason ish thing. Omg I'm running out of ideas I better stop now bye

And I guess that is all. It was all over the place, I'm aware of that but Idk that's just me. Going all over the bushes. That is all I think, for now. Oh I'd better start working on the special blog post for my batch but I'm lazy to get started lol. Goodbye

Black Moustache