This blog is where I escape from reality & is the result of the listening part of me. Oh btw, I dont talk much in real life.


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Thursday, 18 September 2014

We are all dreamers, wanting to be completely out of touch with reality

what does it feel like being happy again?

Assalamualaikum. I have secrets, but today I'll share some of my secrets with you. Just don't spread it around, okay?

(1) The first time I lay my eyes on you, never have I imagined that I'll grow this attached to you. Yes, I know it was my fault for starting to get to know you better. It was my fault for scouting around for your number, it was my fault too for actually texting you first. I know I shouldn't have lied to you but I just wanted to talk to you. Can't you see how much effort I've been putting in this whole time? On the other hand, I still believe it's your fault for making me get too attached to you because I wasn't expecting anything from you. Not that I expected anything more than friends, at least. You were the one who made me love you, with your sweet texts that never fail in cheering me up everyday. I really look forward to talk to you. I couldn't even go through a day without seeing your face or without talking to you. But now, I don't even want to establish any form of communication with you because I know how much you hate me right now & I'm starting to realize how much I've become more & more less important to you. It's sad because you're my favorite person & you're very important to me. It's sad, or is it I'm sad? My life is a joke, I know. I never thought you'd turn out to be so important to me, bearing in mind that every single thing you do affects me directly or indirectly.

(2) Earlier this year, I told myself to not get attached to anyone at all because I've gone through so much. I was pretty much happier at that time. I was surrounded with the people who I really treasured, however now had turned into complete strangers which our form of communication is none other than mere glances or simple "hi", without laughing out loud like we used to do back then. In the midst of me being happy & carefree of anything that people throw at me, comes in you. I seriously had never imagined that you'd go & give me hopes that you will somehow stay with me until the end of the line, but then again, there you go shattering my heart into millions of pieces & I don't think you would even care to ask how am I doing anymore. I miss that time when I was not feeling well & you said that you were worried about me, how you came to me & accompanied me via texts so that I would feel much better. Trust me, I did feel a lot better whenever you're around. And now, here you are breaking my heart & making me cry myself to sleep for countless nights & appearing in my dreams, making me wake up in the middle of the night, thinking about you.

(3) I can't wait to get out of this phase of my life where I am constantly depressed. I seriously forgot how it felt like to be happy once again. You may see me happy or laughing, but you just don't know what am I exactly feeling at the moment. I'm not really sad, but I'm not entirely happy either. I can laugh my ass off during the day, but at night whenever I'm alone, you keep coming back to me. That's the part I hate the most.

I'm sorry for getting too emotionally attached to you. I'm sorry I came into your life. I'm sorry for joining your game. I'm sorry for losing & surrendering. If I ever die soon, do know that I don't regret knowing you & I'm sorry again.

p/s: can't you see how much my life only revolves around you?
Black Moustache