This blog is where I escape from reality & is the result of the listening part of me. Oh btw, I dont talk much in real life.

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Sunday, 1 February 2015

I dont say goodbye because I cant bear it

just because i'm clean, dont mean i dont miss it


January was generally an uninteresting & mundane month for me. Hell, it felt longer than ever, especially when you're alone. I hate how I depended too much on someone else to make myself happy. Or how I trusted someone so much that I deluded myself into believing that we were both destined to be together forever when I myself had known all along that forever is bullshit. It feels like betraying myself & my past to repeat the similar heartbreaks & being high just to make myself forget that I'm actually not okay. Help me, I'm still trying to tell myself that it's okay to move on, but at the same time I'm still in love with the memories. I knew right from the get go that we'd end, sooner or later, it's just that I didnt imagine that we'd end up not talking to each other. Ego, I guess?

It's already February & I'm not hoping for anything better. Can I fast forward to when I'm happier & I've already forget about all this? I just want to leave as soon as possible because I know I'm not up to whatever that's coming. I'm better off alone, without having to depend on anybody else to make myself happy.

ps: i'm sorry for being too depressed lately & for expressing them
Black Moustache