This blog is where I escape from reality & is the result of the listening part of me. Oh btw, I dont talk much in real life.

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Saturday, 18 April 2015

I was match, you were rock

dying to go for a beach getaway

I think I'm happy. Maybe I am, maybe I'm not, but I'm definitely somewhere in between. Come to think of it, sometimes I think I'm content because I'm distracted from feeling lonely or dejected. Well, you know with so many things going on in my life eg college, homework, I think I don't really have the time to sense the void. Or maybe is it because I'm getting used to it? I'm not sure myself.

I'm sorry but if you come to me & tell me "I'll always be there for you if you need someone to talk to", I won't straightaway tell you what's the matter with me. I have trust issues now, please understand. I understand that you're trying to help but everybody can lend their ear for a person, it's not that hard, to be honest. Anyone can throw their arm around you. To just be there for someone won't really take up your time or effort, especially if you have nothing to do at the moment & coincidentally your friend is in grief & you voluntarily listened. It would mean everything to me too, once, but I'm not looking forward for it now. I just cannot simply trust anymore "I'll always be there for you". That's purely bullshit. At one point I almost believed that shit was actually healing me.

I may say that my life is getting better but I'm doubting myself. I can simply fake a smile & carry on but it's really not as simple. I think I fixed myself, terribly. By "terribly" I mean I'll break down too once in a while especially when I'm not distracted. I fuck up too occasionally but I'm okay.

ps; entirely inspired by Six Degrees of Separation - The Script & nothing else
Black Moustache