This blog is where I escape from reality & is the result of the listening part of me. Oh btw, I dont talk much in real life.

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Saturday, 23 May 2015

You give everyone your everything, they walk away with it

these will be the not-so good ol' days

I'm currently at the lowest point of my life. I need to go somewhere & take a pleasant break from the mess I'm in. People tell me to persevere but all I could think of at this point in time is to give up. You know what's my most dire need right now besides food & sleep? I need a companion. I want a person who I can rant on about my days, who I can sleep next to & cuddle with each night until the Sun comes up, who I can talk to all day & night without ever worrying about displeasing them, who I can lay on their lap & fall asleep while having a conversation about how naive I am, who I can run up to them for a hug every time I need one, who can put up with my irritating "I don't know & I don't bother to know" attitude, who knows how emotionally dead I am, & most of all, I need a person who does not always have to tell me countless "I love you's" daily because I never have to doubt their compassion for me, not even once.

You can't choose what stays or what fades away, & that kind of sucks but I finally understand now that it's a part of growing up. Just when I thought my life could not get any worse, it does. It's hard to acknowledge the fact but then I came upon the realisation that just when I thought it won't get any better, it does. Well you see, for every up, there will always be a downfall. I am not going to have second thoughts - you are my sweetest downfall.

Friends - they come & go. I had my "I thought you would stay" moments a lot of times before. Relationships deteriorate whether you like it or not, regardless of the amount of time & effort you put in all the while in making people stay. They made you happy too once & don't ever forget that. It's time to move on, dude. Isn't it sad seeing everyone else around you carrying on with their life while you're still at the same spot, replaying the memories in your head because you find it so hard to let them go.

I'm in a total mess right now. Some people consider mess as an art, but I don't. I have to clear up this hideous art & start repainting my whole life picture. All I can see on my life canvas now is splatters of tears, sweat & blood. I need to bring in more vibrant colours. I had my joyous days, not going to deny that, but I wish I can get more of those happy days. I haven't felt infinite for a while now.

ps; surviving A levels is no joke
Black Moustache