This blog is where I escape from reality & is the result of the listening part of me. Oh btw, I dont talk much in real life.

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Saturday, 8 August 2015

How do you look for something better when you had the best?

this is for you

I really have no idea why I assume you read my posts, but hi there. It's been a long while since we last had a real conversation. I messed up, I know. I was the one who initiated whatever that happened between us. I was the one who wanted to leave, & then made it a big thing as if you were the one to blame. I was the one who sparked the conversation about our paths not necessarily crossing again. I was the one who needed too much attention.

I kinda want you to know that - in all seriousness & sincerity - I miss you. I still get goosebumps every time I hear your name. I miss feeling warm & bubbly inside whenever you talk to me. I miss you, & I hope you're doing alright.

I know now, that you don't really "get over" certain things. You might get distracted from it for a while, but it hurts when it finally hits you. But I have a life path to build & scars to heal. A little heartbreak once in a while won't hurt - it reminds you of happy times.

As badly as I want you to come back, I know I can't have you. It's devastating to think of it, over & over again. The fact that you're not mine - & never was - keeps me holding on to my grounds. I badly want to say hi & just casually talk like we used to, but I don't want to face reality. Trust me, every time I don't reply ASAP or say hi, is each time I almost did. The word "almost" itself is depressing, right? We almost had each other.

Sometimes, we leave options to people. I gave you choices, & you made your decision. The way you're handling this is sometimes disrespectful - you keep disappearing & coming back, absentmindedly making me want you.

Oh one more thing, time was never to blame. We met at the right time, as what was already fated for us. Now time is the only thing I can depend on in making me feel slightly better.

ps; i love you, always had & always will
Black Moustache