This blog is where I escape from reality & is the result of the listening part of me. Oh btw, I dont talk much in real life.

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Sunday, 23 August 2015

Not realising I'm running out of fight


I can't seem to put my mind into anything lately. AS trials is coming up in a few days & I still can't fully concentrate on my studies. Here's what I did throughout the weekends - I would get up quite early in the morning, run a few errands, get some breakfast & settle down to study by 11 AM, but distractions will always come in the way. I envy my friends who can sit down for hours reading through tiny sentences & comprehending what the sentences meant while on the other hand, I will get dizzy by the 10th minute & start going through my phone. You can blame college's wifi for that. The next thing I know, my friend's done with 5 pages & I'm also done with 50 tweets. That's dangerous.

Everything gets worse at night, when I'll get super sleepy despite shots of caffeine & I can't even find any courage to attempt any past year question, no matter how seemingly executable the questions are. I won't usually resort to my phone as it will be drained of battery by night so I'll just opt for another essential - sleep.

My life, when it comes to studies, is a partial wreck. It's only partial because I'm still enjoying life as I have it now but I can't seem to find any constant motivation to keep me glued on the chair. I'm constantly driven by events outside the books. I guess I have to start getting rid of these distractions.

It's not that easy once you're out of school. You're practically on your own & you're theoretically responsible on each of your action. I hate growing up. Age comes with responsibilities & I'm a sucker for that. Oh well, everything comes with a price aye. There's no such thing as free lunch.

I'm in that phase where I know I can't fully depend on anybody to make me do things. Sometimes I live in denial & I still want everybody to take care of my well-being. However, at the same time, I don't want to be constrained or controlled by anyone. Whatever it is, I'm still capable of taking care of myself. It's my life & I decide how I want to live it.

ps; wish me luck for trials!
Black Moustache