This blog is where I escape from reality & is the result of the listening part of me. Oh btw, I dont talk much in real life.

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Friday, 11 September 2015

It's been a while since I last felt this way. I'm not sure what has got on me but I'm going through the lonely phase all over again. Feeling so helpless as I put myself to sleep every night, dreaming of the same person & ended up missing them so much more when I wake up. I thought I had already let everything go, but oh was I never right.

7 weeks have passed since you told me you needed me. I honestly didn't know how to properly respond, that I let the conversation hanging. People told me not to ignore the person who stayed despite me pushing them away, but the devil inside my head made me shut you off.

I didn't see any other options beside leaving, as I know you're capable of being content, with or without me. I didn't want to keep holding on to that fragile thread of hope which was likely to snap anytime, but the truth is, I didn't expect leaving would be this hard. I thought when I left, memories of you would gradually leave too. They never did. In fact, they keep lingering around my mind every minute & as I try to brush them off, they became much more stronger & appealing.

I tried looking around for distractions to keep myself from constantly thinking about you, but I think I failed. In each activity I do in the name of finding peace, I can't help but thinking how would it be if you were there too with me. I still stalk you on a daily basis. Talk about how obsessed I am, huh?

I starved myself from your touch for so long, & now I badly crave for your delicate hands. I know I shouldn't be saying this; but I miss you so much.
Black Moustache