This blog is where I escape from reality & is the result of the listening part of me. Oh btw, I dont talk much in real life.


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Sunday, 18 October 2015

I still drown in your love

I honestly forgot what it feels like having someone to constantly talk to. Sometimes I long for the exciting feeling at the end of the day as I had someone waiting for me before going to sleep, or the bubbly feeling inside every time I open my eyes to a good morning text. It's even more delightful when I get a morning call, waking up to your sleepy voice which never fails to turn me on. Gone were those days when I had someone to look forward to when I wake up & also before I close my eyes. I miss being attentive to details throughout my day so I would have many things to talk about & having longer conversations with you at night. I just miss having you around reminding me to keep myself happy because it makes you happy too.

I don't think it's possible to forget you as long as I live. It's not always easy to brush off thoughts about you. The fact that I know you're happy now makes it easier for me to move forward, but sometimes I occasionally go down the memory lane. It reminds me how much I felt loved, & that's enough to keep me sane. I know you're capable of being happy without me, however convincing you may sound about not being entirely content. Sooner or later my diminishing spot inside your heart will be replaced.

Without you, I learned to depend on myself & be fine on my own. I learned to pick myself up when I feel down as I know aint nobody have time to do that for me anymore. I picked up new hobbies to get distracted. I don't expect for any "Are you okay?" or "Asleep?' texts anymore. I won't tweet about how much I miss you everyday unless if I really feel the urge to say it. I don't want people to get annoyed or be sorry for this broken hearted boy. I treat everyone more or less the same way, taking their actions as being nice & not expecting too much out of them. When I feel like things are not going right, I keep them to myself & resort to music to make me feel better. I'm in the process of being self-sufficient, & I think I'm doing fairly good at it.

Sometimes I just want to call you & say hi, but I don't want to ever say goodbye. I'm not sure if we are on good terms, or is it because everything's awkward now that I don't know anything that's going on in your life & you don't know shit about mine. All I know is that we made promises & somehow I still hold on to them. Hey, if you ever feel like calling, I won't hesitate on answering.

p/s: here's a tip if you don't want to hurt me; do not let me get attached to you.
Black Moustache