This blog is where I escape from reality & is the result of the listening part of me. Oh btw, I dont talk much in real life.

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Wednesday, 30 December 2015

As if they never left


I hate feeling this way. I hate knowing I screwed up. There's practically nothing I can do to fix it, because it's really my fault. I know how words can cut so deep, yet I never really took care of what I say. Moreover, when it involves the person I love most.

No amount of sorry's could ever fix this, I guess. I was supposed to rebuild what we had, but because I'm such a coward, there it goes down the drain. I'm too scared of telling you how I really felt about you - about us - because the thought of you not feeling the same really bothers me. I'm afraid if I told you how pissed I was at you for leaving me hanging before, it would tarnish whatever little we had between us. I'm terrified if I told you that I almost gave up on us, it would make you turn against me, which I think you already had, because of what I've said.

The thing about words is that once you've burst them out, you can never take them back. It's already out there & it's only a matter of time before people would realise it. Watch out what you say or do, especially when you're infuriated.

I almost believed that we could actually pick up where we left off the last time. It almost became clear to me that we could actually relive the old times. I wish I wasn't so angry at you before. I wish I had the courage to just tell you all about it. I wish.

You have every right to be pissed at me, just like I had before too. I'm not forcing you to do anything about it if you don't feel like it. Take your time to consider. I'll accept your decision whether I like it or not because really, I can't do anything about it now. It's all up to you. If there's anything you would want to let me know, I'm all ears. Maybe we could do a confession night, like what we once planned to do?

I made that spontaneous decision because I knew I had to do something about us. I don't want to lose you, ever. I'm eternally grateful to still have you in my life despite our rough times, I hope you'll stay til the end.
Black Moustache