This blog is where I escape from reality & is the result of the listening part of me. Oh btw, I dont talk much in real life.

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Saturday, 12 December 2015

If I'm losing a piece of me, maybe I don't want heaven.


2015 will always be remembered as the year I lost faith in so many things. I watched the relationship I held dear to me fade. I lost interest in putting any extra effort for people who aren't worthy of attention. I kept telling myself that all of this won't matter in a few years time. Ultimately, the only few fragile strings of hope left in me, broke entirely.

2015 is also the year I found myself. I learnt about parts of me I've never known before. I recovered some diminishing strength I have left in me, & used them to stand on my own. I empowered myself into becoming an independent person, who doesn't need to rely on other people to make me happy.

After all, I'm only 18, what's there to lose anyway? Maybe a couple of people who weren't meant to stay in my life, or a few condescending pricks I've grown to despise. There are many more people who I have yet to encounter, who may one day bring me the joy that my heart truly desires. Despite the rough start to this year, I regret nothing. Whatever that happened throughout the year had made me become a stronger person than I was in 2014.

If people were to ask me what would being 18 mean to me, my answer would definitely be; having a strong support group. Without them, I wouldn't have survived one of the toughest times of my life. I seek solace from them, without neglecting my duties to the Almighty. I'm eternally grateful for these few people who made me feel cherished, Alhamdulillah.

December has always been the month that I get to reflect on myself, discovering improvements that I wish to implement & traits that I would want to brush off before a new year begins. Somehow, I don't believe in new year resolutions but who in the right mind would want to stay the same forever aye? Change is inevitable. We change, people change. Get to know the roots of why we changed in the first place, then only we'll get to see how much we've progressed.

I'm not hoping for much in 2016. The only day I'm looking forward to in particular, is the day I leave this country - if it ever comes, insyaAllah - because I can't wait to see how would I react to leaving people who are dear to me in search of knowledge.
Black Moustache