This blog is where I escape from reality & is the result of the listening part of me. Oh btw, I dont talk much in real life.


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Saturday, 9 April 2016

I'm always accused of disappearing from people's lives whenever I feel like it, then reappearing somewhere along the way when it's convenient. People would claim that I'm there for them one second, & the next time they reach out to me I'm nowhere around. The thing is, I have myself to take care too. There are some points in my life when I don't feel like talking to anyone. This phase comes regularly - almost once a month - & when it hits, it might stretch out for weeks. I'm not sure what's up with myself, but I guess I got tired of getting myself attached to anyone because based on my past encounters, they never stick around.

I feel bad for the ones who actually try their best to stick around, because sometimes I push people away when all I really want is for someone to stay. Whenever I feel like I'm getting comfortable with a person, I would tell myself no. I don't want to go through the pain of watching them leave. There's a fine line between being comfortable & being emotionally attached, because once feelings come in between, there's no turning back.

Back to the part where they say I reappear when its convenient, it doesn't really work like that. I may have a lot of friends, but trust me when I say every one of them plays a different role in my life. That's why I hold on to my friends dearly. I may not spend my time with you for a while, but that doesn't necessarily equate to me forgetting you. It's just that the time isn't right yet. Sometimes I admit I neglect people in my life & I'm not even conscious of it.

I know I may be shitty at replying back to you, but I really can't help it. I'm no good in virtual communications. I do fine in face to face talks, though. I feel like social messenger apps have ruined the beauty of coffee house catch up sessions. Now that you've told your friend all the things you want to in WhatsApp, there's nothing left to talk about when you meet them up over lunch.

I feel like friendship is the only kind of ship that doesn't fade away. As you gather more people on board, more people may leave but that doesn't mean they won't come back to enjoy the ride with you again. When people leave your ship, they may get their own ship & your paths may or may not cross again, you never really know for sure. One thing you do know is, there's so much history between you & you wouldn't simply throw everything into the drain. You just let the good memories remain in your head, timeless & relevant as ever.

People will flow in & out of your life whether you like it or not, almost always at times when you least expect them to. That's what makes the friendships that do hold on throughout the years despite its peaks & valleys, stand out & all the more worth it.
Black Moustache