This blog is where I escape from reality & is the result of the listening part of me. Oh btw, I dont talk much in real life.

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Tuesday, 17 January 2017

I'm supposed to be putting my time and energy into writing this 2000 word term paper due this Thursday but I can't be bothered anymore. I hate writing essays. I hate doing something that I know I don't have my heart on. I feel like the words are being forced out and I can't work like that. Oh well I'm leaving it at the very last minute; maybe I work better under pressure.

Ok, not the point of this post. (Wow 3 posts in a week, I'm on a roll)

Guys, I'm 20 years old. I can't possibly comprehend that I've been around for 2 decades. Let that sink in for a moment. I want to do one of those "things I've learnt in 20 years" but I'll save that for after I finish writing this paper.

Anyway, I'm still not getting to my point. If you were to ask me exactly a year before, on my thoughts about life and where I'm headed, I'd probably already have a solid plan to tackle my life. I may even have the next 20 years of my life all nicely planned that if I missed a few life events, I may have failed my 19 year old self. But if you were to ask me right now, the same question, my answer would be; I have no idea.

I've always thought that I would end up working behind a desk in a fairly large office making a few calls here and there signing very important documents carrying a briefcase around with more important documents inside wearing suits as a daily thing or at least very formal attire everyday with a few coffee stains on my shirt and tie. I've always imagined myself as that particular person. But now that I'm actually getting a glance of what that life would be like, I don't think it's for me. Then again, I don't really know what works best for me and I'm still figuring myself out which I'm sure no amount of years would suffice to fully know your own self.

It feels weird to be in the 2 series. Feels super old. When I read back the post I wrote when I turned 19, I think it's safe to say that I checked off most of the stuff I wanted to achieve last year. I met new people, I saw interesting places, I definitely stayed the same, lame and quirky me, I laughed a lot and was stressed a lot too, I appreciated my self-worth, and I was very grateful for 2016.

So for 20 year old me, the only goal I want to achieve this year is to be closer to Him. I feel like I've drifted away so much as I was searching for myself. Although I'm happier, but I still feel the spiritual void. In shaa Allah.

Ok, back to high level academic bullshitting.
Black Moustache