This blog is where I escape from reality & is the result of the listening part of me. Oh btw, I dont talk much in real life.

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Sunday, 15 January 2017

The number of times I broke down in this first week of second term is ridiculous. By "broke down" I mean completely ignoring heaps of work I have and instead reminiscing on how much I truly miss home. By "home" I don't necessarily mean the ever comfy sheets and tons of pillows on my bed per se, but the warmth and comfort of being surrounded by my beloved. Winter blues is real, guys.

On another note, I'm starting to question; why am I studying Accounting and Finance? I mean, it's interesting and can make money and all but I'm beginning to take interest in many other things that are not related to the corporate business world at all. Like law. Harvey Specter and Annalise Keating really did leave an impression on me. Ok, corporate law does have some connection to finance and I know I shouldn't just base my interest on tv shows and I've only been to two business law lectures but still. I mean, winning a case is super badass and I like to win so....justified.

Also, I'm involved in my uni's Malaysian night and we're doing this modern take on the legendary Mahsuri which is basically like a theatre play of sorts. I've always been in love with performance art. My parents used to take me to multiple children's musicals at Istana Budaya and I've always secretly hoped that one day my parents would let me audition so, you know, I could perform and sing and dance on stage. Ahh, 11 year old me with 0 insecurities and fucks to give about people's judgement. All I ever wanted was to be on stage. Such a glamorous ambition.

Now that I'm actually involved in one, I'm starting to think that the stage is where I should be. Ok, not should but more to a safe space. I get to dance and also act like a goof a bit and it's all coolz. I'm goofy most of the time so it ain't hard, mate. I look forward to rehearsals, to showing off what I could do, including being completely oblivious to other people watching, to learning and trying new stuff. I feel like I'm more me than anywhere else ever when I'm on stage doing what I get to do. As long as I'm giving my best and having soooo much fun. It's one of those few times for me to destress and it's also therapeutic too because I'm almost always drowned in uni work so it's nice having a few hours to let loose, literally. If uni doesn't work out I know what I want to do.

I think one of the downsides of being in an MRSM is that art is not generally celebrated. All those science and innovative stuff are always given more importance. They do have inter MRSM competitions but within the MRSM itself, there's virtually zero opportunities to do artsy stuff other than Pendidikan Seni. Forget the fact that girls aren't usually allowed to perform on stage - that's another issue. I always had to ask to get the opportunity; it's not something that's always available. I don't know, maybe that's just my school. Sometimes I'm afraid to step up too because of some people in school.

Ok, how did the post suddenly become emotional? Haha. I guess being in MRSM made me lose touch with that particular interest and made me forget that I love being on stage. But all I'm trying to say is I don't think my interests align with my career path. My dad once told me that "there are stuff we do for fun, and there are stuff we do because we have to". I didn't really understand what he meant, plus he said that because I was asking if I could make a living out of music. My dad is into music too and he still plays guitar (and some other instruments that I never knew he could play because we don't have them at home) ((like drums, possibly even the piano or clarinet or trumpets idk)). He even jams with his friends sometimes which is super cool.

We all have hobbies to keep us sane. Like when we're super stressed out with work, there's always something we do to relieve the burden off our shoulders, even if it's for a while. Doesn't matter if it's baking or binging on Kdramas or going out for a couple of drinks or pretending you're performing for thousands of people in your room, you do you. I know I'm going to keep dancing all my sorrows away, like it's nobody's business. (as long as nobody's watching)
Black Moustache