This blog is where I escape from reality & is the result of the listening part of me. Oh btw, I dont talk much in real life.

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Sunday, 30 July 2017

A little update on my previous post.

So I confessed to A about my feelings. I kind of said I wanted something more and I'm not here to be the rebound guy. A told me I'm not the rebound guy, which is good, but there's one thing A said that was the total opposite of what I wanted to hear, that is A only sees me as a friend. Then I asked, "is there ever gonna be anything more than this?" A couldn't give me an answer just yet.

Well, that kind of sucked. I just poured my heart out and then got a response that I totally didn't see coming. I'm really torn at the moment. I understand A's decision and A even admitted that there's still residual feelings for B and if A were to agree to this it would become even messier. I didn't want to force A either or else it would not turn out great for either of us. At the same time I still want to talk to A on a daily basis and act as if I didn't just hand over my heart and got it smashed into pieces. *exaggeration alert*

The truth is, I'm happy with where we are now and I really don't want to ruin that. At least me opening up to A about my feelings somehow helped? It would be very unhealthy if I were to repress my feelings and I would end up having expectations, ergo left disappointed. Also it would be toxic since we both have different expectations for this. At least now I get to tailor my actions and decisions to this redefined (?) direction of our relationship.

Wow, I sound like such a mature adult. I guess all of this came because of the lessons I learned from my previous relationship. I want us to communicate and to always speak our minds even about things that are uncomfortable and somehow try to make the uncomfortable become comfortable, if that made any sense. I don't want to regret not saying some stuff just because I didn't think they would get it. I want to be completely honest and it's working. Somehow? I have always been the one in the relationship who wants to talk about stuff and previously it hasn't done me much cause the other side would be so scared and end up walking away from all the talks I demanded.

I don't know, man. I haven't really told anyone about this because I don't want this to become such a big deal, but ugh I really wish I had a person to talk to about my decisions regarding all of this cause clearly I haven't been making the best decisions.
Black Moustache