This blog is where I escape from reality & is the result of the listening part of me. Oh btw, I dont talk much in real life.

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Wednesday, 2 August 2017

Being anxious and in love can be very taxing. One moment it's all light and airy but it could turn demanding in matter of seconds; from magic to tragic real quick.

You constantly worry if all that you've done is enough (or too much?). You worry about annoying your other half with your clinginess. You fear that all the affection you crave for becomes troublesome. It keeps your mind racing over little things that aren't even a big deal. Most of all, you worry that your other half could lose their feelings for you overnight.

And then when bad things happen, you can't help but put the blame entirely on you. You think you're the reason this whole thing didn't work - because of your clinginess and annoyingness. You blame yourself for not putting in enough effort even when you've done all that you can. You think your partner ends up getting tired of putting up with your shenanigans and ends up leaving.

I'm afraid. I'm afraid because I don't want to fall hard for a person and then end up being left all alone as if I never mattered. I'm afraid that they're going to find someone new who's more interesting than this clingy ass and decide I'm not the one for them anymore. I'm afraid that no matter how much effort I put in, or how many sweet things I do for them, it just won't be good enough. I'm afraid of giving them my heart and giving them the power to dictate my actions. I'm afraid of falling deeper in love, when they're falling further out of love. I'm afraid of the pain from heartbreak. I'm afraid to deal with countless sleepless nights, crying and wondering where did it all go wrong.

I'm terrified of so many things about love. Love has failed me so many times before. But then no matter how great my fears are, I still let myself fall.

Every.

Damn.

Time.
Black Moustache