This blog is where I escape from reality & is the result of the listening part of me. Oh btw, I dont talk much in real life.

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Monday, 28 August 2017

I've been having such great days recently. Thanks to past me barely putting in any effort into internships or else my summer break would be present me being miserable, having to wake up at 7 am everyday, living that 9 to 5 working life. All my friends are out there grinding for their careers, doing stellar stuff to be added to their CVs while I, on the other hand, am either on the bed browsing through Netflix for a new show to binge or out being clingy with my really, really small circle of friends and I'm not even sorry for living that chill summer break life.

Anyway, about having a small circle of friends - I have been hanging out with the same group of people on a regular basis since I'm home. It's funny because prior to coming back, I had a lot of plans to catch up with a lot of people but then it occurred to me that these meet-ups that I keep wanting to happen are mostly from my side. I would be the one bugging them and trying to make the catch-up session happen while they keep coming up with excuses. I don't really mind if they couldn't make it but whatever happened to "Let's catch up once you're back!" etc.? If you can come up with excuses then come up with an alternative date that we can see each other la what's so hard about that? ugh I sound so bitter but it's really hard not to be bitter when I've been looking forward to see certain people in the short amount of time I'm home but apparently to them it doesn't really matter if the next time we see each other is next year (if that would ever happen too idk).

Once I realise that, I stopped asking and bugging these people like why do I need to give my attention to undeserving people? I figured it would be best if I make plans with the same people who wouldn't disappoint or give me silly excuses as to why they're not available. I'm done chasing after people. It's tiring, especially when the person you're chasing after does not want to be caught. It's true how distance reveals who your true friends are and shows you the people who actually care about staying in touch with you.

Also, there are a few friends who I thought were always going to stay who (surprise, surprise) didn't stay. It saddens me that this has happened so many times before and the worst part is that it happens to the people who I least expect to lose and I don't seem to get why does it keep happening. It's like you never win at this thing. I guess life got in the way? I've never really excelled at being a good friend anyway so I kinda saw this coming. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if one day all the people I'm close to now are going to end up drifting away. I hope not, but I'm prepared for the worst.

To all these people, do know that you people hold a special place in my heart and it will always stay that way. I know I suck at maintaining relationships but I'm trying so hard to do so. Sometimes when I'm going through a rough, unstable phase in my life I tend to push you away to spare you the hurt but I do that not because I don't want to talk to you guys anymore. I just need to get some time alone to figure things out and once I'm back to being myself I can annoy you again with my lame jokes!! But I guess you guys got sick of catering to my needs and that's okay. Do know that I'll always be here and I'm just a text away (when I actually reply). Please take good care of yourselves. There's nothing but love for you people and I wish you the best in your days to come.
Black Moustache