This blog is where I escape from reality & is the result of the listening part of me. Oh btw, I dont talk much in real life.

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Monday, 18 September 2017

I guess in a lot of ways the past year had been a break for me. I mean, I've been working my ass off for as long as I can remember and there has never been a time in my life where I have zero responsibilities to take care of. It's always waking up every morning with a shit ton of things to do and always wishing that I could wake up with all of my work for the day completed already.

Ever since PMR (lol) I have been channelling all my energy towards a certain goal and not that I'm complaining but I really wished I had a period of time for me to completely not put in any effort for anything. What more during SPM. Then after SPM I thought I was finally getting the time to chill but nope dear me had to go for A Levels not even a month after SPM ended. I think I died 1000 times just while doing A Levels and miraculously I came back to life every time, stronger than I ever did before.

But then in doing all of those, my mental health started to deteriorate. I didn't realise at first, and I only started caring about my mental state when it got out of hand and when things were getting messy. It got super worse throughout my A Levels studies. After A Levels, I promised myself that I was going to focus on what matters; me.

Unfortunately enough during the longest break I've ever gotten, I got busy preparing to fly off. Honestly prepping for overseas studies took a lot more effort than I expected. Hence, I didn't get to take the time to sit back and enjoy time passing by without anything to worry.

Then I promised myself that in my first year of degree studies, I'm taking a break. I will put the bare minimum effort that I need to in order to focus on getting my shit together. I'm not saying that I didn't put in *any* effort, though. It's just that I didn't care enough to participate in excessive activities that would stress me out even more than I already was and what I did was I selectively invest my time and effort in things that I *really* needed to. I had a lot of time to myself within the past year and that somehow helped me figure some stuff out and made me realise a lot of things about myself that I never did before. I only put in effort in things that do bring me joy and if they don't or if I haven't had any prior experience doing something like it I would just give it a hard pass. Simple, but powerful.

So I guess going into second year of degree, I'm ready to challenge myself and get into the things that I passed on. I'm ready to be more proactive instead of just sitting around doing menial things. I'm ready to accomplish so much more now that I've finally got the break I deserved and now that I'm in a better mental state. I guess it's also important for me to have that mindset - that I want to do something more - for me to actually do something more.

I don't know. I guess we'll see. Wish me luck!
Black Moustache